O, How I Hate Spring!

bloom blooming blossom blur

By Jerry Lambert

I have been asked before why I hate spring so much. Where do I begin? There are so many reasons to hate the most useless time of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the why of spring. The rebirth of nature and all that. I would just like to be somewhere else when it’s happening. Preferably on a beach, with an ice cold beer in my hand. One of the main reasons I despise it so much is my daily walk with my dog, Skittles. She’s not a big fan of spring either. From March through May, we suffer through some of the worse weather conditions you can imagine. It can be in the 30s, with wind, rain, snow, or freezing rain. Or, once it finally warms up a little, you’re still stuck with 55 degrees, sideways rain, fog, and mud. Always lots of mud. It makes you want to reach for your winter parka again. As I said, it sucks.

As any ‘Gander will tell you, in addition to our Great Lakes, Michigan is famous for its schizophrenic weather. However, when we get to spring, mother nature’s crazy kicks into a whole new gear. One day, it’s a beautiful afternoon with temperatures in the 70s. So nice, you are inspired to wash your car. However, that water coming out of the hose is still like liquid ice. Then, the next morning you wake up to find it’s snowed a couple of inches. I hope you didn’t leave your car out! That actually happened to me when I was in high school. I washed my Mom’s car in the driveway on a gorgeous afternoon and the next day it was covered in snow. Arrrrrgh! You can’t make this stuff up.

To me, spring is like a beautiful girl who’s a bit of a tease. One day, temperatures finally start to warm up, and she’s giggling and laughing at your jokes. As the thermometer climbs into the 70s, she might even show you a little leg to get your pulse racing. The next thing you know, the mercury nose-dives and she’s dressed like Randy from A Christmas Story. Any chance of seeing her in a bikini disappears like snowflake in the sun. Then she winks at you, flashes a little cleavage on a sunny day and you’re hooked again. This goes on all season long. Then the week before Memorial Day, summer shows up and kicks that evil little witch to the curb. Where ya been, baby? We’ve missed you!

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