A Sad Silence


I am writing today with a broken heart. Our beloved hound dog, Skittles, has passed away. It came on suddenly with a case of internal bleeding. After five short hours, we had to put her to sleep. She was only eleven years old and just the day before, I had taken her for a bike ride. She didn’t race around the block like a bat out of hell, but happily trotted alongside as we made our way around the neighborhood. Ironically, a dog trainer named Dawn had come by our house earlier on that dreadful evening, to break Skittles of some of her more annoying habits. However, after seeing her condition, she immediately recommended that we get her to the vet.

We arrived at Serenity Animal Hospital at around 7 pm. After some bloodwork, x-rays, and an ultrasound, Dr. Karen recommended we get her to emergency right away. It was the quietest ride we ever had with our crazy dog. Whenever I drove with her in the past, I always made sure I had earbuds to block out her beagle/basset hound cacophony. Now, it was just silence. I have heard that when animals know their time has come, they respond accordingly. I had to lift her into the car to take her to the emergency room, but when I tried to carry her down from the back seat, she backed away from me in terror. She knew.

After a discussion with the vet on duty, it was determined that there were only two courses of action. Exploratory surgery, or putting Skittles to sleep. Since the best result to be expected from the surgery was a diminished life-span and further medical treatments, we decided to put her down. It was agonizing. Thirteen years ago, we had to put our cat Jewel to sleep. However, she had been living a diminished, but happy life for two and a half years. When her time came, it was sad, but not unexpected. However, with Skittles I kept crying, “It’s not fair!” I had no idea what to do. Watching my companion, who had often journeyed out with me in subzero temperatures, shivering on the floor was just killing me. I prayed hard, and the only answer that kept coming back to me was my wife saying, “She’s in pain”. That did it. I held onto her and sobbed while she left this world.

Just before midnight, we left the emergency vet office, taking with us only her leash and collar. I was a complete wreck and it was a miracle we made it home without injury to the car, or ourselves. The next morning, not seeing her lying in the hallway outside our bedroom was another stab in the heart. A couple of days later, I collected all of her things to donate to Serenity. Skittles was never one for toys. Her spare time was always spent demanding attention from whoever was in the room with her. Bagging up her belongings, I came across the one toy she did play with from time to time. It’s a stuffed rabbit, and I have placed it in her chair across from my recliner.

If you read my article about her attitude issues, you know she wasn’t a well-behaved dog. However, I would gladly cut pieces of candy cane out of the carpet again, if it meant we would have her with us for just a few more years. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. On ride home on the night she passed, my wife brought up a good point. Since Skittles was a rescue dog, we had given her a good life. I take solace in that thought, but I am still at a loss for what to do next. Once I’m done journaling and blogging for the day, our daily routine always began with a quick walk around our L-shaped block. This was followed by a treat hunt in the backyard, or indoors if the weather was crappy. I will take a walk this morning in her memory, and probably have another good cry in the process. Dear God, please take care of our crazy dog until we see her again. Amen.

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13 thoughts on “A Sad Silence

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  1. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is one of the most heartbreaking and painful things to go through. Hopefully you find some comfort in knowing she had a wonderful life with you and her pain is over. Run free sweet Skittles.


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