Black Pickup Trucks

At the risk of alienating some of my readers, I’m just going to say it. What the hell is up with the drivers of black pickup trucks? Is there something inherently evil about that paint color? Last summer, I wrote an article about tailgaters. However, it seems like owners of black pickup trucks tend to take it to a whole new level. If you drive one of these vehicles, I apologize. I don’t know if I’m just getting older, but honestly, what’s the frickin’ hurry? Unless you have a hot date with a supermodel, slow the heck down and get off my butt! However, maybe that was Justin Verlander on my rear end a few years ago, just trying to get home to Kate Upton. In that case, not only should I have moved over, I should’ve also called ahead for a police escort! Bro Code.

As I mentioned in Gotta Go Joes, I know some drivers will be unhappy with whatever speed I’m doing in the fast lane. As long as I’m in front of them, I’m an obstacle to be overcome. One day I decided to keep a mental tally of the number of times a black pickup truck rode my bumper. I’m pretty sure the final score was around 95%. If you were in the other 5%, thank you for not giving in to the Dark Side. Don’t get me wrong, there are a huge number of idiots on the road these days, and I’ll admit that sometimes I’m one of them. However, it seems like virtually all pickup truck drivers feel the need for speed. There must be some secret Pickup Drivers Training School, where your final exam is to successfully tailgate six inches behind the slowpoke in front of you, for at least five miles.

As I said, there is more than enough bad driving to go around. Just this past weekend, the Woodward Dream Cruise was in town, and I saw more reckless freeway driving than I’ve seen in years. Plus, there is a disturbing new trend on the expressway, where two muscle cars will deliberately hang back in traffic, then have a short drag race. Needless to say, this puts all of us at risk. If you think your car is so bad, take it up to a local race track and see what you’ve got. Otherwise, please leave us innocent bystanders alone. Back to pickup trucks. Although these can be some of the most aggressive drivers on the road, pickup owners are generally more likely to stop and help if you get stuck in a jam. It seems like they live for an opportunity to haul somebody’s car out of a ditch or a snowbank. Black pickup truck drivers, like Darth Vader, we know there is good in you. So, please give the rest of us pilots in the Galaxy a break. I will now get off my soapbox. Thank you.

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