If you look through our family vacation photos and find a rare picture of me, I’m probably wearing a fanny pack. I freely admit it. Back in the day, it was the easiest way for dads to carry around their crap. Today, that unfashionable accessory has been replaced by something more practical. Cargo Shorts.
These pants aren’t just limited to vacay-wear, they can be worn on any hot day. However, when you’re on vacation, their true genius is revealed. Your average pair of cargo shorts has six pockets, not just four. Since only serious photographers carry around a camera these days, some cargo shorts also have a cell phone pocket on the left hip. Essential for quick pics. As I said, genius.
Like many technological advancements, I wish these pants had been around during our early family vacations. Back in the day, jean shorts (or jorts) were the preferred vacation dad-wear. However, those shallow pockets didn’t leave a lot of room for all of the do-dads we carried around back then. Hence, the fanny pack.
The brilliance of these pants hit me the other day when my wife asked me to carry her wallet and phone. She wears a lot of clothes without pockets, so my cargo shorts often get weighed down with her stuff as well. Since we were visiting a botanical garden, I had already packed my camcorder and a spare battery. Her additional items gave my shorts the heft of Doc Holliday’s gun belt. “I’m your Huckleberry.”
However, this can lead to serious restroom issues. Without going into too much detail, all of that pocket weight has to go somewhere, and gravity can be a bitch. Thankfully, I haven’t had to fish anything out of the toilet, yet. My fingers remain crossed.
So what’s next in the department of dad storage? Recently, the drawstring bag has become very popular. It can also be used as a backpack, keeping your hands free for photos, and food. However, I haven’t mastered the backpack technique yet. Half the time, I look like I’m wrestling an octopus. If not used as a backpack, a drawstring bag looks like I’m carrying my wife’s purse. No thanks.
I’ll figure it out eventually. In the meantime, I’m sure my cargo shorts will continue to carry the load. Just like always. What’s that dear? Can I carry your keys and a bottle of water, too? Sure, why not? Uh, oh. What’s that ripping sound?
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